Month: February 2020

What family education should single-parent children give?

The single parent phenomenon has long attracted the attention of marriage scientists, sociologists and psychologists.

However, the question of how single parents can educate their children about gender roles is still a blank issue.

　　Too many parents are confused about sex education, because they simply think that the content of sex education is the content and skills of husband and wife sex life, which is a wrong concept.

For different age groups, the specific content of sex education varies.

Sex education for young children is mainly the identification of gender roles and the formation of scientific and healthy concepts.

　　A single mother’s family is a family consisting of a single mother and son due to divorce, widowed or other reasons.

In such a family, the image of the civilian father and the education from him make it difficult for a single mother to properly educate her son.

In a normal parental family, sons have their own gender role identification objects, that is, male parents, and lay the foundation for future interpersonal relationships in the relationship with heterosexual parents, and gradually form appropriate gender roles in the subtle influence.

Such as: how to bear the responsibility of the family, how to deal with the same sex and the opposite sex, how to resolve the conflict between social needs and family needs, and so on.

　　For a son who lacks the image of a father in his early life, if the mother does not have the corresponding attention, the result will be that it is difficult and alternative for the child to confirm the role of gender. This will show the value of “male feminization” and will show in character.Sensitive, suspicious, low self-esteem, timidity, narrow-minded, strong distortion, etc., this will have an adverse impact on his personality and future social and family life.

In order for the child’s sexual psychology to develop healthily, single mothers should pay attention to the following points in education for boys.

　　First, pay attention to the cultivation of the son’s male character. Some mothers, when educating their sons, treat themselves as their own children first, then consider them as independent men, and never even consider them as independent men.

Over-allocation and protection of children, contentment with son’s obedience, dependence, cowardice, and carefulness, are extremely detrimental to the formation of children’s healthy personality.

For example, the boy is always very naughty, and he is not afraid of fear, but his mother asks him to be hygienic, not to get his clothes dirty, not to run around, not to be like this, and then the child becomes cautious and shrinks.

After adulthood, the mother’s character of her son is of course “hate iron and steel”, but it is unknown that this is mainly the result of the mother’s own education.

　　Parents are children’s enlightenment teachers and role models. If you want to cultivate your children’s decisive, confident, bold, open-minded personality, you must consciously adopt a meticulous and meticulous approach to boys. The content of education must be consistent with the characteristics of male characters.Don’t cultivate “fat powder gas”.

　　Second, to create an appropriate social environment for children. Because most fathers in the family, sons naturally spend more time with their mothers.

Some mothers believe that playing with girls is safe, civilized, and hygienic, while playing with boys is prone to chaos.

In fact, in this way, some children have obstacles in interpersonal communication after adulthood. They only feel safe to some people, but show timidity, shrinking and sensitivity to others.

Therefore, mothers should arrange more children to interact with grandpa, grandma, male colleagues, etc., to compensate for the gaps in same-sex relationships caused by the lack of fathers.

In addition, in this process of interaction, they also unknowingly imitated the behavior of other men, which is not available to the mother.

　　Third, give the child moderate motherhood. Single mothers often treat their sons as the sole sustenance of their lives and pour all their love and affection on their children.

For example, some mothers inappropriately prolong the feeding time; allow the son to sleep with him all the time; excessive care and caressing for the son, etc. As a result, the child has an “eclectic complex” and is accustomed to relying on the mother, andDo not want to be independent, unless something will cause abnormal psychology and behavior.

　　Studies by psychologists have shown that it is best for sons to rest in separate rooms with their parents after the age of seven. If the family conditions do not permit, at least they should also get a bed.

In foreign countries, children are separated from their parents as soon as they are born.

Due to conditions and traditions, Chinese families have not created an environment in which children can live alone.

And single mothers’ excessive love for their children has led some people to be unable to distinguish the boundaries between motherly love and love under certain conditions, and they have no idea that their children can never be “weaned” psychologically.

　　Fourth, mothers must have their own life arrangements. Children will instinctively possess possessiveness throughout their lives. They suck on the mother’s nutrition, occupy the mother’s arms and eyes, and become the center of mother’s life.

As the child grows up, the mother should slowly pay attention to leaving the child. However, many single mothers give the child full time without their own private life, which is actually not beneficial to the development of the son’s sexual psychology.

The mother should regularly arrange time for herself to deal with personal matters, including intercourse with the opposite sex, so that the child understands that the mother loves him, but he cannot occupy all the emotional space of the mother.

Otherwise, the child will become unruly, disobedient, or imposing orders on his mother, selfishly opposing his remarriage, and so on.

When the mother gives her time, she also gives her child a chance to mature.

　　Fifth, allow children to accept a sound view of marriage and sexual attitude. Some single mothers suffered wounds in previous marriages or sexual experiences that made them have a certain prejudice against marriage and the opposite sex, and instilled this prejudice in their children.

For example, telling your child that Dad does n’t want them, that men are bad, how unfortunate they are, etc. It makes children feel hostile, distrustful, and also insecure and abandoned.

Other mothers like to say to their children over and over again: “I work so hard for you, I would be much better without you.

They thought that by saying this, the child would not forget the mother’s upbringing, but in fact it caused the child’s depression, sentimentality, inferiority and self-blame, and cast a heavy shadow on the future life.

The “psychogenic impotence” that some adult men suffer from is caused by abnormal mother-child relationships.

They always have the subconscious mind that “women are painful and they are guilty.” Therefore, they cannot have a sense of equality and sharing in sex.This leads to sexual dysfunction.

　　Six, remarriage is conducive to the son’s sex education. In many cases, single mothers choose not to marry because their children are not suffering, which is not good for the child’s sexual psychological development.

Due to the lack of a male image in the family, the implementation of many details in sex education is limited, and even with the help of other male relatives, it is difficult to replace the impact of fatherly love on children.

And the handling of children’s relationship with stepfather, and mother’s handling skills in life.

Moreover, remarriage is also beneficial to the emotional and physical needs of a single mother. If the mother’s emotions and desires are suppressed, it will also affect the child’s emotional and personality development.

Of course, whether the mother remarries is her personal choice, but if it is for the growth of the child, it is necessary to change the traditional concept.

　　In general, single mothers’ gender role education for their sons is a complex thesis, and there are many specific differences from the general content and methods of sex education, which need to be explored further.

With the continuous development of social and economic life, the phenomenon of divorce is more and more understood by the public, but we hope that children will be less and less adversely affected.